


Let's Talk Shop

by testosterone_tea



Series: Sex Shop Quartet [1]
Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Anal Beads, Anal Fingering, Anal Play, Awkward Sexual Situations, First Time, Inexperienced Sherlock, M/M, POV John Watson, Rimming, Sex Talk, Sex Toys
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-13
Updated: 2014-04-13
Packaged: 2018-01-19 07:15:09
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,165
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1460542
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/testosterone_tea/pseuds/testosterone_tea
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sherlock goes undercover at a sex shop but finds he has no idea what any of the toys are for. Cue John Watson, awkward sexual conversations and some unfortunate incidents involving too much plug and not enough lube. But all's well that ends well and Sherlock gets the best happy ending of all.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Let's Talk Shop

**Author's Note:**

> This is basically a PWP that accidentally ended up with some plot by accident. But it was mostly for the sex and anal toys. I only explored the anal toy idea in this one, however, I know that there are a lot more fun things to play with that one can get in a sex shop. So if anyone reads this and is interested in it becoming a series, I could expand on that idea.

John sat outside the cafe with a cup of coffee and waited for Sherlock to finish whatever observation he was making. They'd been on the trail of a serial murderer for the better part of a week, and Sherlock had connected some sort of pattern in his head and had failed to inform John what it was. The behaviour wasn't unusual for Sherlock, so John was patient. Sherlock would get around to telling him eventually, even if it was after everything had exploded in their faces.

"Yes," Sherlock said, shifting in his seat, his own coffee ignored. "That's it, John, I'm sure of it. All of our victims have been proprietors of that shop right there. All I have to do is infiltrate it and observe from the inside, and we may be able to find his next victim."

"A bagel shop?" John said, squinting and shading his eyes.

"No, the one next to it," Sherlock said impatiently.

John had been trying to ignore that shop actually, thinking that if he didn't look at it hard enough, he could forget it was there.

"Er," John said awkwardly. "You know that shop sells... um."

"Yes, John, I know it's a sex shop," Sherlock rolled his eyes and stood. "You'd think that a grown man with numerous conquests under his belt would be able to talk about sex without blushing."

"Well, fine. You're the one that has to do the infiltrating."

"Indeed."

Sherlock stood and made his way across the street to the shop, John following with no little sense of trepidation. 

"Ah, perfect. They're hiring."

"Have you ever even been in a sex shop, Sherlock?" John asked, watching as Sherlock jotted down the particulars in a notebook.

"No, but now is a good a time as any to start."

"Well, you've got it well in hand. I think I'll head back to the flat, stop at Tesco's on the way. Do you want anything?"

Sherlock ignored him and pushed the door open. John took the tinkling of the bell overhead as his cue to leave. John had nerves of steel, so deduced by the great detective himself, but there was no way that he was going to look at sex toys with Sherlock Holmes.

OOooOO

John was watching telly at home with some Thai takeaway when Sherlock eventually arrived home, swirling into the flat like a piece of the night that had escaped its confines. He swept about the room in a state of agitation and John tried to ignore him in favour of watching Doctor Who. It was a rerun, but it was one of his favourite episodes, which he would like to watch in peace, thanks ever so.

"John."

John sighed and turned away from the screen. "Yes, Sherlock?"

"I need your assistance. It's a matter of some importance."

"Sherlock, I'm busy."

"You're watching that episode again for the fifth time and picking at the last dregs of your dinner. John... I _really_ need your input."

John sighed again and flicked the telly off regretfully. Sherlock came into his line of sight, and John was surprised to find that he was dressed in a pair of tight, black jeans and a band t-shirt. He'd also done something to his hair, something different than usual.

"What's with the get-up?"

"John, obviously I couldn't go and apply to the shop looking like myself. I had to find a disguise that would allow me to blend in. The girl at the counter was dressed like this, too."

"And where are your other clothes?" John asked, raising his eyebrows.

"Lestrade has them in a locker at the Yard," Sherlock waved a hand. "Irrelevant. I went in again and got an application form, but as I was filling it out, the girl working there looked it over and went and got the manager. I'm hired and I start tomorrow. This is good for the progression of the case."

"Good," John said. "I work tomorrow, so you can just tell me how that goes."

"No, John, I have a problem."

"And that is?"

"I told you earlier, I've never stepped into a shop that sells this particular type of item and I need to go in tomorrow up-to-date on all the merchandise. Now, I asked Lestrade, but he threw me out of NYS before I could finish, hence why I'm still wearing these clothes."

"Threw you out, really?" John said with a slight laugh. "Why?"

"Well, I was showing him this..."

Before John could move or protest, Sherlock had reached behind him and retrieved a satchel, and to John's amazed horror, pulled out a large, black dildo. He handed it to John, who took it automatically and then proceeded to stare at it in astonishment. While John was occupied, Sherlock pulled out several other items and dumped them in John's lap.

"Good, John. Lestrade didn't even get this far."

"Don't blame him. You say you were at the Yard when you..."

"Yes."

"And how many people witnessed this exchange?"

Sherlock scowled. "I don't know, whoever was there at the time. Donovan was there, oh – and that other DI that Lestrade doesn't get along with. Gavinson or something."

"Gregson," John said, putting his face in his palm.

John, valiantly ignoring the items in his lap, pulled out his phone and texted Greg.

_So I heard about the fiasco at the Yard._

The reply was almost instantaneous. _Which one?_

_The one involving Sherlock and a dildo._

_Oh, that one. Yes, I've barricaded myself in my office. Check your email, I'm sure that explains everything._

John leaned over and got his laptop, opening his email. There was a new email, forwarded to him from Donovan. John clicked on it and tried to muffle his surprised laughter. There was a picture of Lestrade holding the dildo in shock and Sherlock trying to push an anal plug on him as well.

John looked into his own lap and located the plug, holding it up.

"So, Sherlock. You have no idea what any of these are for."

"I have a vague idea," Sherlock said with a shrug. "I can only assume they go in various orifices. Look, this one has a vibrate function."

"Okay, stop." John held up his hands. "Before we go any further, I need to ask. Did you get any lube while you were on your buying spree?"

"What? No. Why would I need lube?"

John shook his head. "You won't get anywhere with a lot of these toys without lube. Also, a lot of these are rather... large. Any particular reason you've mostly got anal sex toys? Um, also, you can't use that one." John pointed at the one with the so-called 'vibrate function' as Sherlock put it.

"Why not?" Sherlock said petulantly.

"Well, you see how it has two prongs? One of the two is meant to go in a vagina. Which you don't have, I'm guessing."

"Where's the other one meant to go then?"

John heaved a sigh and rolled his eyes. "You really weren't joking when you said you didn't know anything about any of these toys."

"I'm sorry, John, but people have a very strange idea of what constitutes sex paraphernalia. Such as this: John, what does a traffic cone have to do with sex?"

John peeked at the cone from between his fingers. "I'm beginning to think you have an anal fixation."

"They were all in the same area of the shop. I'm doing this in stages. So, what is it, a prop for some kind of roleplay? I can't see what attraction traffic cops have, but I have to learn what it is so I can explain it to customers."

"No, it's for anal play, Sherlock."

Sherlock picked it up and looked at it. "It's not a very good shape for it. It looks like it wouldn't stay, not like this one with the knobs in it."

"You're supposed to sit on it, Sherlock."

Sherlock stopped and seemed to go into a slight daze. He snapped out of it a moment later and said, "Ah, yes, that explains that particular insult."

"Which one?"

"Sit and spin – usually accompanied by a vulgar hand gesture used by Americans."

John was trying hard not to laugh. He could hardly believe that Sherlock was asking him to explain all this to him and that he didn't have any idea of what the toys were used for already. He was in too much of a state of suspended disbelief to be embarrassed. Although, he did hope that Mrs. Hudson wouldn't come up anytime soon.

"These look like they're meant to be a chew toy for dogs," Sherlock continued.

"Anal beads."

"Bottle opener?"

"Prostate massager."

"And all of these are meant to go..."

"In the anus, yes Sherlock," John said with another sigh. "But I wouldn't recommend trying anything without lube. Lube is your best friend, you can never have too much lube."

Sherlock blinked at him wordlessly.

John held up a hand. "Give me a moment."

He stood up, putting all the toys on the table in front of him. He went upstairs and quickly rummaged through his bedside drawer, finding two different types of bottles. When he came back down, Sherlock was fiddling with a contraption and John took it out of his hands and replaced it with the two bottles.

"That's a strap-on, Sherlock. Seeing as you already have one of your own..."

"Oh," Sherlock looked at the bottles in his hand. He read the labels and said, "What's the difference between silicone and water-based?"

"Water-based are less viscous but can be used with the toys without causing any harm. More versatile. Silicone is more viscous, and doesn't get absorbed as easily, but can't be used with the toys because it will react badly with the material. Best for anal sex by itself, or if you put your toy in a condom."

Sherlock seemed to absorb this information and the popped the cap of the water-based lube and put a tiny amount on the tip of his finger and licked it off.

"It doesn't taste like anything," he reported.

"Not that one, but there are many different kinds of lube out there if you want to experiment," John said, reaching for his tea.

Sherlock's eyes lit up at the word 'experiment.'

John sighed and turned the TV back on, leaving Sherlock to examine his new treasure trove of toys.

OOooOO

It didn't occur to John until the next day that he'd left his lube with Sherlock, when he went to have a nice evening wank and was left high and dry. Grumbling, he went downstairs to see if Sherlock had left it on the table or if he'd have to resort to hand lotion.

No such luck, Sherlock had to have it.

He was searching for the hand lotion that he usually left on the table when he heard a sound from Sherlock's room. A small cry followed by a whimper. John halted, torn between fascination and embarrassed horror. Was Sherlock actually trying out those toys on himself?

Another cry, and John couldn't stop himself from going closer to the door curiously. He'd told Sherlock it was an experiment, but hadn't actually thought that Sherlock would take it as a suggestion.

There was a low whimpering noise, and John stopped. He couldn't be certain, but that sounded more like pain than pleasure. Then again, the sounds people made during sex were somewhat close to those of people in pain. He shouldn't intrude, it was probably just him hearing things wrong.

"JOHN!"

Definitely pain, with a faint edge of panic. John burst through the door to find Sherlock on his knees on the bed with his arse in the air with a desperate and alarmed look on his face. He also had the end of one of the larger plugs stuck in between his cheeks.

"Jesus, Sherlock," John said, kneeling behind him to get a better look at the situation.

"It hurts, John," Sherlock said, and his knuckles were white from where they were gripping his sheets.

"I should have told you to start small," John muttered. "The anal sphincter needs to be stretched to be able to accommodate such large objects. People often need to train themselves and work up to larger items. Have you tried anything smaller than this first?"

Sherlock shook his head.

John sighed. "And lube?"

"I used lube!"

John looked at the toy lodged in his friend's arse and put his face in his hand. "Not enough, by the looks of things. Give me a moment, I am going to apply more and hopefully be able to work it loose without necessitating a trip to the A&E."

John kept applying lube and worked slowly, pulling the thing out in increments. Sherlock kept whimpering, but the sound was far from erotic when his friend was in so much pain. When the thing finally came free with a pop, Sherlock made a small sound of distress and curled in on himself. There were tears at the corners of his eyes, and John didn't blame him. Rectal tissue was delicate, and Sherlock had abused his quite a lot today.

John examined his sphincter, and although it was red and slightly inflamed, it didn't look as if he'd given himself any lasting damage.

"Sherlock, I need to examine inside you to make sure you don't have any rectal tears."

Sherlock nodded and tensed.

"Shh," John soothed. "You need to relax, I don't want to hurt you, but I need to know if you need medical attention."

Sherlock took several deep breaths, and John patted his side before lubing up one finger and easing it inside. Sherlock inhaled sharply, but kept himself loose and pliant. John felt along the inside of his arse, but it didn't feel like there were any further injuries.

John finished up, cleaned his hands and asked, "Alright?"

Sherlock nodded, but he was trembling a little with shock and pain. John sat on the bed next to him and pulled a blanket over him, running a soothing hand through his hair. Sherlock snuggled closer, and his breathing began to even out. Soon it became apparent that Sherlock had fallen asleep. John stroked his hair back fondly, and then quietly left the room.

OOooOO

The next day, Sherlock was lying prone on the couch and John shook his head. Apparently his friend's arse was still feeling the abuse.

"Sherlock," he said. "Next time, if you're not sure what you're doing, please just ask me. You could really hurt yourself with anal play if you don't do it right. Start with something small, just your fingers even, and don't go too fast. And I really meant it when I said lots of lube."

"I caught the murderer," Sherlock said, voice muffled in the sofa cushion.

"Oh," John said. "Good."

With the murderer caught, John thought for sure that Sherlock's interest in the sex shop had evaporated, and he went back to making them both some tea.

He was wrong.

Later that night, Sherlock appeared just before John would have usually had a nice, relaxing wank and said, "John, I need your help."

"With what?" John asked, unsuspecting.

"I need you to help me with these," Sherlock said, holding up the anal beads.

"Wait, what?" John asked, trying to backtrack.

"You said if I needed help to come ask you," Sherlock said. "So here I am, coming to ask you. After the last disaster, I didn't think I should try and use these... unsupervised."

"Ah..." John shifted awkwardly. "Alright."

"Come on then, John," Sherlock said, and John had no other option but to follow his wayward friend to his room where he had already set up a towel and a fresh bottle of lube.

Sherlock looked at John, somewhat shyly, before beginning to unbutton his shirt. A tinge of pink had risen in his face, and John couldn't help but wonder if perhaps Sherlock was a bit more apprehensive about this entire situation than he was letting on.

"Are you okay?" John asked softly. "We don't have to keep going if you don't want to."

"I wanted to... try it..." Sherlock's face was bright red now, and his fingers had stopped moving.

Yesterday had been an emergency, but tonight was something else entirely. John was beginning to feel that he'd stumbled into a whole different world while he'd been sleeping.

He came closer to Sherlock and raised his hands up to the straining buttons of Sherlock's purple shirt. He nudged Sherlock's fingers away and continued unbuttoning, revealing a swath of pale skin.

"Alright?" John murmured.

Sherlock nodded.

John pushed the material off Sherlock's shoulders and draped it over the nearest chair. Carefully, he reached down to unbuckle Sherlock's belt, sliding it out of the loops with a clink that was loud in the otherwise silent room. Sherlock gasped as John flicked the button on his trousers open and slid the zip down, easing them down over his pale hipbones. Sherlock stepped out of his trousers and went over to the bed to sit down.

There was the beginnings of an erection tenting his black boxer-briefs. Sherlock saw where John was looking and blushed, moving his hand to cover it up.

"Ignore that," Sherlock said. "I just need help with..."

John moved to sit next to him, moving Sherlock's hand out of the way before flattening his palm over the growing bulge in Sherlock's pants. Sherlock made a small sound, eyes wide and fastened on where John's hand was stroking him through his pants.

"You're supposed to be enjoying this, yeah?" John said, with the beginnings of a predatory grin.

John's groin throbbed in counterpoint to Sherlock's, and he quickly divested Sherlock of his pants as well, revealing a long, hard cock, flushed and leaking at the tip. Sherlock whimpered, and it was an entirely different sound than the one he'd made the night before. John rolled his thumb through the liquid beading up from the slit of Sherlock's cock and circled the head teasingly.

"J-John..." Sherlock stuttered.

"Ah, yes, we're meant to be conducting an experiment," John said with a smile. "Back or front?"

Trembling, Sherlock took his position on the bed, knees apart and arse up and presented. He looked back at John over his shoulder. John smiled reassuringly and stroked a steadying hand over the curves of Sherlock's plush backside.

"Let's make no mistakes this time, Sherlock," John said. "We'll get you good and ready before we try anything else."

He gently parted Sherlock's arsecheeks to reveal a quivering, puckered hole, pink as a rosebud. John wet his thumb and brushed over it. Sherlock jumped and stilled again as John massaged his thumb over the furled opening.

"I'm going to get you good and relaxed, first," John said, then leaned forward and brushed his lips gently over Sherlock's hole.

Sherlock squeaked and looked back at John with wide eyes. John simply smiled and pressed his lips over Sherlock's entrance again, nuzzling into the warm crevice, exhaling a warm breath over the sensitive flesh. Sherlock's legs quivered, and John finally began to lick around the soft outer edges of the opening.

Sherlock gasped and made a mewling noise that went straight to John's already throbbing cock. Oh, Sherlock was a beauty like this, all splayed limbs and desperate want. John teased him with little tiny licks and presses of his mouth. Sherlock buried his flushed face in his pillow to hide his whimpers and small noises of pleasure. John didn't mind. It was kind of cute.

Taking pity on Sherlock's jerking hips, John finally licked in earnest, feeling the tightly furled muscle start to give way beneath his tongue. He pressed inside, and Sherlock's face shot up out of his pillow as John breached him, licking him open.

"John," he moaned. "Oh god."

John grinned and kept going until Sherlock was incoherent and his own jaw ached from his efforts. When he finally drew back, Sherlock's hole was slick with saliva and pliant against John's fingers. John slicked up one finger with lube and pushed it into Sherlock's hole, where it was pulled in easily. Just to be sure, John slid it out and put in two. Sherlock gasped, and angled his hips back, body clearly begging for more even if his mouth had lost the words to do so anymore.

"I think you're ready now," John whispered.

Sherlock nodded frantically, looking back at John with pleading eyes.

John took the beads and looked them over carefully. Metal, semi-flexible with beads that increased in size, eight in total. He tried to warm it up as best he could with his hands and then got some more lube, silicone based. Metal wouldn't interact with silicone, so it was better.

"This might be a bit cold at first," he warned Sherlock. "I'm starting now. Is that okay?"

Sherlock nodded. "Yes, John. I trust you."

A throb, a totally different kind of throb, in the center of his chest made John's heart beat hard as he aligned the first lube-slick bead with Sherlock's entrance.

He slipped the first one in, and Sherlock huffed and shifted.

John stilled him with a hand on his hip. "Don't squirm, you'll dislodge it."

Sherlock whined in the back of his throat, but complied.

That seemed to go in alright, so John tried another and was rewarded with Sherlock huffing again, just a little exhale to show he'd noticed the further intrusion.

"Another," Sherlock said breathlessly.

John did, and this time Sherlock gasped. John watched in fascination as Sherlock's greedy hole sucked the bead in effortlessly, swallowing it up, edges of his hole clinging to the metal surface. He put a bit more pressure, and the fourth slid in after the third. Sherlock groaned and raised his hips higher.

"Sherlock?"

"Mmm?"

"Touch yourself."

From his position, John had a great view of where Sherlock's erection was hanging between his legs, red and dripping with pre-ejaculate. Sherlock's trembling hand made a fist and dragged down, pulling on his hard cock, made easy with how much he'd been leaking. As Sherlock picked up the pace, John slid another bead home, and Sherlock cried out, hand faltering slightly.

"Keep going," John whispered. "Can you feel it inside you?"

"Y-y-yes," Sherlock said, and it took him several bitten-off tries to get the word out.

"I'm going to go again."

Sherlock whimpered and stroked harder, cheeks flushed with pleasure and teeth gritted.

"Go," he groaned.

John eased the sixth on in, and Sherlock made a long, drawn out moaning noise.

"John, it's so deep," Sherlock panted. "Oh god, oh god, it feels..."

"Okay?" John asked in concern, ready to take the beads out at the first sign that Sherlock was uncomfortable with the proceedings.

"Amazing," Sherlock purred and rolled his hips back.

To John's surprise, the movement actually pushed the next bead inside and Sherlock moaned again, trying to push back against the last bead. John marvelled at the sight of his friend, the great detective, giving himself over to bodily desires. He never would have guessed that this was something that Sherlock could be interested in, never mind pursuing.

" _John_ ," Sherlock said in a high, tight voice. "Please, I'm almost there. Oh god, oh god."

"I'm going to put the last one in," John said. "Tell me when you're coming."

John eased the last one in, and Sherlock made a sound like he was dying and enjoying every moment of it. His face had an expression of pure bliss, and the sounds he was making were rough and desperate. The only sign that Sherlock had the toy inside him was the metal ring pressed up against his hole, but John knew.

"John, _John!_ Coming!" Sherlock said frantically and then wailed, pumping his cock hard and fast, his fist a blur on his shaft.

John started pulling out the beads slowly as Sherlock climaxed, and it seemed to make his orgasm swell to further heights as the volume of his cries grew. Sherlock shuddered forever, letting out bursts and bursts of ejaculate, coating the towel under his hips.

John watched and hurriedly tugged his jeans and pants down over his hips. Three rough strokes, and it was all over for him as well.

When Sherlock had finally finished, his legs gave out and he collapsed onto the bed, still trembling with the aftershocks. John crawled up beside him and pulled him into his arms. Sherlock gave a contented purr and burrowed closer.

"That was amazing, Sherlock," John murmured in his ear, pushing the damp curls aside. "You did so well."

Sherlock hummed and pushed his head up into John's palm, and John took that as a request to continue carding his fingers through his hair.

After awhile, John asked, "So, experiment successful?"

Sherlock smiled, eyes still closed. "Next I'll have to experiment on different types of lube."

John laughed and buried his face between Sherlock's shoulder blades. He couldn't wait.

**Author's Note:**

> [My Tumblr](http://testosterone-tea.tumblr.com)


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